Thankful

Yes, I am feeling sentimental.

Yes, this is going to be a sappy, possibly soul-baring post tonight.

This is not a bad thing though. I have a lot to be thankful for.

It's been a rough time as of late, but rather than dwell on the negative, I've decided to count my blessings. After all, negativity gets nowhere. I've been in dire need of self-affirmation. It gives me a boost to go in the right direction and makes me feel about 100 times better about myself.

I've always felt that I've needed to prove myself worthy of others' time, and that I am growing as a person. I hate making mistakes and I sometimes feel like I come off as annoying and creepy, and that others won't like me. However, I have to constantly remind myself:

1) I am worthy of the attention of others. If people do not like me, then that's their loss. I don't have to call them out on why they don't like me or might have beef with me. I just accept it, and move on. I don't have time for petty disagreements with someone I will never see eye to eye with.

2) I have awesome friends who love me for me, and constantly remind me that I am NOT annoying and creepy.

3) By accepting these things, and making sure that I look to the path before me rather than what I've left behind me, then I truly AM growing as a person.

My confidence in my musical talent has been blossoming too. Not only that, but also my confidence in my teaching ability. I am in my second year of teaching piano lessons, and in those two years I have had several students come and go. I'm really pleased that I have a few students that have really turned out well. I couldn't be any prouder of them. It makes me feel good that I'm doing a great job of sharing my love of music with others.

As I said before, I feel that I have a lot to be thankful for. I know I've mentioned this already in previous posts, but it's the truth. Tonight I just feel like being a little more specific.

Like my husband, Josh. He is THE best thing that has ever happened to me. I know that a lot of girls brag about having the best husband in the world, but for me, it's not just bragging. It is stating a fact. I have put him through so much in the 6 years we've been together, and he is still right there with me. He's stood by me through the good and the bad, supported my decision to quit my job to go back to school full time and fulfill my dream of becoming a music teacher. He also saved my life.

I don't talk about my personal struggles much, especially my longtime fight with depression. It's just something I've dealt with since I was 9, and I don't normally talk about it because I don't want the sympathy. With 2 years of therapy, I've been getting more comfortable with talking about it but I still feel awkward sometimes. However, if it had gotten the best of me 2 years ago, it's pretty likely that I wouldn't be here typing this blog. Lucky for me I had Josh, who happened to walk in at the right time and catch me in the act before I could do anything damaging to myself.

My friends... I've pretty much had the same circle of friends since I was in high school, but I have friends from all walks of life that I have made over the past several years. I might not always be able to relate with them, but that's not how I base my friendships. I don't base them off of how often I keep in contact or hang out with them. That's not what matters to me. What does matter to me is that they care about me, and know that even though I tend to fall off of the radar, I don't ever stop caring about them. I've been pretty lucky to have great friends for a long span of time, and that's something I'm thankful for.

Things haven't been the easiest for my family, but I don't ever stop caring about them either. My dad and I both act a lot alike, and we tend to butt heads. I don't talk to my siblings much because our lives and families get in the way. I miss my mom like crazy and often feel lost because she was always the one I turned to in triumph and in hardship, and it has been so hard for me to adjust to the fact that I can't call her up and vent to her on a bad day or bust through her front door in excitement because of some grand accomplishment I achieved or to share any great news I found out. But, with hardship comes strength. As a family, we're still standing. That's all that truly matters.

Music.... listening to it, playing it, doesn't matter. It's my biggest love next to Josh and it's all I've ever wanted to do for a livelihood since I was 8. I'm just thankful for the huge role it plays in my life and that I will get to make a career out of teaching it to others. It's a reward for the heart. Oh, and it helps to keep what little bit of sanity I have intact too.

In the last few months, I feel I've kind of strayed from my spiritual path, but thankfully, I do not have a religion that chastises me for my flaws in that respect. I'm only human! I am trying to regain my footing though, and it makes me feel better. It's best to be honest with oneself.

So that is the post for tonight. May you all find yourselves a little more fulfilled as your stories unfold before you. I know I'm looking forward to all of the good things that are in store for me in the future as I write my story in the book of life. :)

Peace, love and light. :)